Sunday 25 July 2010

Learning how to say Yes! again.


I've been living with this illness M.E. for such a long time that I have forgotten how to think ahead and not live day to day. It's a hard habit to break but one I am determined to learn again!


What makes us stop saying Yes! when we have a chronic illness?

Is it because we live within boundries of what we are capable of doing without making ourselves relapse big time?

Is it because we create safe places in our routine so we don't make ourselves even sicker...our way of coping and getting though each day?

Or is it because we have had to cancel so many things we had looked forward to and planned for but our body let us down?

These days I initially tend to say no to everything without even wondering if I am able to do it. I then reflect on the possibility that I may be able to do it and re-evaluate my decision.

But that isn't working...I am getting less and less invites...I am being slowly forgotten by those who once thought me an important part of their lives...they are tired of being told no, tired of being let down at the last minute, tired of having to think of me differently these days.

Gone is the vibrant, try anything, fun-loving Carole and in her place is this person who tends to hang back from the fun. They see a woman who has lost her spark and a friend who seems like she would rather be elsewhere.

They are enjoying life quite happily without me and I am the one losing out on this...losing my life bit by bit by being so afraid of what it may cost me in energy.

How do I solve this? Is it as simple as just saying yes to everything? I'd be bed-bound in a week!

Perhaps it's a matter of saying yes to myself more, learning how much I can actually get away with and then taking a leap of faith and asking to be involved in my loved ones lives again!

But I feel safe with No!


No is sometime necessary, when living with M.E.
But...
Yes!...I am going to start saying Yes! a lot more from today.